Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Taste The Sweet Honey

"For forty long years, God's people daily eat manna-a substance whose name literally means, 'What is it?' Hungry, they choose to gather up that which is baffling. They fill on that which has no meaning. More than 14,600 days they take their daily nourishment from that which they don't comprehend. They find soul-filling in the inexplicable.
They eat the mystery.
They eat the mystery.
And the mystery, that which made no sense, is 'like wafers of honey' on their lips.(Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts).

Like the beating of a drum I hear my feet hit the floor.
So loud and heavy.
My heart pounding like a rabbit's before its predator.
The sounds of my steps now echoing in my head, through my heart.

They eat the mystery.

So stark, yet welcoming.
So cold, but inviting.

My emotions run wild like a stormy night at sea.  Crashing fear into serenity; worry and angst into peace.  My mind races so fast Prefontaine couldn't catch it.

They eat the mystery.

My Husband.
My little girls.
Their future.
Our future.
My sister.
My burden on my family.

Not me.  No, not me.  Ok, maybe me.  Oh, no...what if me?

I am alone.  My babes with their hero, digging in dirt and climbing up ladders.  My sister taken care of.  I sit.  I wait.

I am taken back.  I enter a small changing room.  A friendly face explains to me the process and I nod and smile.  As the curtain closes I collapse.  Like a recking ball to a skyscraper.  Tears streaming I look into the mirror.  "Taste the sweet honey."  Peace comes crashing down like the powerful ocean onto the jagged rock. Letting it melt through my soul like butter on a burning stove.  Slow and deliberate.  Tasting the sweet honey of this mystery in my life, in this moment.  The manna that God has given me.  Letting go of the hows, the whys, the what ifs.

He whispers to me, "Taste the sweet honey."

I step into the room lights dimmed.

Now to wait.

Again, He whispers, "Taste the sweet honey."

Calm and still.  Peace.

More thorough investigation needed.  My mind racing again.  Here comes the ocean crashing thunderously.

"Be nourished.  Empty yourself so I can fill you.  Taste the sweet honey."

A picture reel streams through my head as though watching a life unlived.  All the while pushing and searching to grab ahold of what's firm.  Breath held, hands cold, I lie.
No biopsy needed.

"Taste the sweet honey."

Each day, He gives anew to consume the manna He has provided.  To allow it to not only fulfill me, but to nourish me.  To taste the sweetness.

To taste the sweetness while living the mystery.

Do you taste the sweet honey yours?

1 comment:

  1. I'm so sorry sweetheart, yet... Praise be to God!
    I'm here. Let me carry it with you! I'm your Dad!

    Let Him carry the burden; it is not too heavy for Him. He's your Father!

    I would will always walk it with you. It's not too heavy for me, I'm your Dad!

    I Love You!